I Would've Thought You Could Handle Your Drink
by SouhiBear
Summary: Collaboration! Jack gets drunk... drunken phone calls, dancing, pot plants and singing ensue... Inspired by a hyper night... Cute and funny, total Janto fluff!


Ianto had just managed to fall into the perfect sleep. You know the kind, where you feel as if your floating and you know the only dreams you'll have are good ones...

BZZT BZZZT BZZZZT

Ianto jumped, nearly falling out of his double bed as his pillow seemed to vibrate. He fumbled under it and pulled out his phone.

"'Lo?"

"Ianto... Ianto, I'm hungry..." Jacks voice sounded slow and fuzzy. Ianto sighed rolling onto his back.

"Jesus, Jack, make some bloody toast then!"  
"I- I don't know how..."

Ianto rubbed his temples. He knew what was happening now...

"Of course you know how, you made some earlier, remember?"

Silence.

"Iantoooo? I don't know where I am, Ianto."

Ianto sighed. This really wasn't the time.

"What can you see?" His voice was monotone.

Jack ummed and ahhhed for a while before speaking. "Lights."

"Well, thats usually a good thing... what else?"

"A plant... its pretty..."

Ianto just couldn't think of an answer for that. A plant and lights? Useful...

"Iantoooo? Ianto, whats my name? Is it Ianto?"

"No, Jack, thats my name."

"S'purdy name."

"Oh for Chri- Jack, I'm coming over"

Ianto hung up the phone and very slowly rolled out of bed, pulling his jeans and a hoodie on over his T-shirt.

"'S'purdy name' he says.. 'Purdy name'. Wondeful talk for /1 in the morning/." The door to the hub slid past him as the 'Tea boy' stifled a yawn with his hand.

..Radio. There was a radio on up in Jack's office.

"Jack..!"

Silence.

Ianto frowned, hair messy and sticking up at the back.

"_Jack_!!"

"...Iantooo..!?"

Ianto grumbled again and trekked up the stairs. "Jack.. What have you been-."

He blinked. Then blinked again. Captain Jack Harkness had his arm around a potted plant.

Said man had a tie tied around his head.

Said plant was wearing 3-D glasses.

Ianto blinked a third time.

"..Ianto!!!!"

"-What the hell have you been taking!?"

Jack grinned, offering the bottle of whisky in his hand. "..S'Warm, Ianto..!"

..That was far too adorable. Ianto rolled his eyes, biting back a smile as he offered his hand. "Get up.. Come on.."

Jack smiled and took it, Ianto pulling him up. The welshman gasped as Jack fell and gripped onto his upper arms for support. They laughed gently, Ianto blushing gently as he helped him stand straight. Instinctively, Jack held onto Ianto's hips and a slow tune started up on the radio.

_**I can be your hero baby...**_

Jack smirked and started to dance, making Ianto blush more.

"..Jack..."

"-Shh.."

_**I can kiss away the pain...**_

Ianto closed his eyes, allowing the warm, dry smell that the captain had wash over him as he leant his head into the man's neck. After a few minutes, he laughed. "You're good at this.. What? Do you dance with yourself..!?"

"..I _have_ done that.."

_**I will stand by you forever...**_

"..Huh?"

"Nothin'.." Jack smiled, kissing Ianto's temple.

"..Thought you didn't like drinking.."

"I don't." He grinned, nipping the shell of Ianto's ear. Who gasped. "But I wanted to see you."

Ianto rolled his eyes, "You could've just called you know!"

Jack grinned and pulled Ianto close.

"S'more fun this way!"

He offered the bottle to Ianto. Ianto paused and then took it from Jack, swigging deeply.

"Ooh, it is warm..."

Jack laughed and continued to dance slowly with Ianto as Ianto gulped randomly from the bottle. After a while, the alcohol took its effect on the Tea-boy. He leaned against Jack and inhaled deeply again. He stopped and grinned goofily. He began to hum.

"Cos I... look good in leather..."

Jack laughed, "What the hell you singin' Yan?"

Ianto laughed, "Your wearing Lynx! S'nice... you'd look good in leather..."

Jack, who seemed to have sobered up slightly, laughed and pulled away from Ianto.

"You lightweight! You're pissed!"

Ianto shook his head and nearly fell over, "Nooo! You are!"

Jack grinned and steadied Ianto, his hands lingering on Ianto's shoulders, "Ah, the logic of a drunk... Fantastic!"

Ianto stared defiantly at Jack, "'M not drunk!" He stared at Jack for a while, smiling to himself. Jack laughed at the expression on the younger mans face.

"What?"

Silence.

"Ianto?"

"You'd look bloody good in leather!" Ianto grinned lecherously.

"Me?"

"Yeeeea! Yooou!"

"God, how drunk _are_ you?! You've only had a little..!" Jack captured his lover's chin, lifting it up to meet eyes. Smiling happily. Ianto was smiling back. "That's the last time I offer you my whisky.." The Welsh man pouted.

The radio carried on in the background.

"I love this song!!"

"What song is it-"

"-_Well_ you done done me in~~"

"..Ohh.."

Jack laughed, the two dancing again.

"I woulda thought you were able to take your drink, Yan.." He laughed gently.

"And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention~~"

"..You're mental.." He smiled, burying his face in his neck, Ianto kept singing/mumbling/pretending he actually knew the lyrics.

"But do you want to come on scooch on over closer dear.."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"And I will nibble your ear~~!"

The captain blinked and blushed.

**AN:** Fandabbydozy! A collaborative effort between myself and my friend Hedges [Hecken92]

Came about after a hyper theatre trip, after which we contemplated making a phone call like this to our friend, Alan.

"Alaaaaan? We're hungry, Alan..." (((SPAZZING)))

Reviews and we shall give you cookies. Or muffins. Whatever floats your boat...


End file.
